How can it be 6 years since I last felt my son's heartbeat? It just can't be this long.  It feels like yesterday and then again it feels like it has been a lifetime ago. I miss my son beyond words.  Thank goodness my granddaughter is here.  She makes me smile and I know she feels Cody.  There is a certain look she does that is just like Cody. Cody would be the best uncle, without a doubt.  It is so sad to me.  I hear about the COVID vaccine and how quickly they got that and I wonder why there is not a vaccine for cancer? Well my gut tells me it is out there but just not available. Life is so unfair that way. I miss my son and will continue to pray and look for the signs.  Tonight it was right in front of me...the car license plate said DET427 on it.  Thank you for that.  Love and miss you Cody. 

 September 7, 2020

This is a special night.  I find myself longing for Cody to be here a little more than usual.   Tomorrow morning Cody's niece will be born.  I already know Cody will be a perfect guardian angel but oh, what a fun uncle he would be too.  It is a hard time for me just sitting here alone and waiting. I wish times were different. I am so glad Cody did not have to fight for his life through COVID but it really puts a damper on being at the hospital for the birth.  I thank goodness for FaceTime and cell phones.  I am so proud of both of my sons, as always.  I know Casey will make a perfect dad too. He already is. He picked a wonderful girl and I could not be more proud for the both of them. I just wish Cody was here, in person, to be at my side. He was my rock and I enjoyed every second with him.  He would be so excited.  And with the Islanders playing tonight, I know he would have that baby all decked out in Islander gear even though his brother was a Ranger fan first. But we will not discuss that. LOL

I miss my son.  That will never change. Casey and I have big changes ahead of us.  I wish my son was here to experience all of this with us.  I am going to leave some of Cody's ashes in the woods here at the end of our block before Casey leaves this winter.  Cody loved taking his girl Xena for walks in the woods and to the dog park. He lived in this house a long time and I want to have a part of him here.  

Miss you lots my son and I will always love you.  Congrats, Uncle Cody!