December 27, 2015

I miss my son.  We got through Christmas and I am so glad Casey is here. Somehow we get through.  I feel like I do not want to do the things we did with Cody and that is why I did not put a tree up.  I feel Casey's pain and I am trying to be strong for him.  He looks through Cody's things and he even played his drums yesterday.  He listened to the psychic reading I had that was recorded.  I really love having him here.  It feels like I have life back in my house.  Even with the three dogs here, it is just nice to see the light on in Cody's room.  We have been visiting friends and I am grateful for every one of them.  Tonight we are going to an Islanders game.  It is my first one since Cody has been gone.  Again, I do it for Casey.  I am glad, in a way, that is it not at the coliseum.  Lots of memories there and I think it would be hard to go. We are going to go see Josh Bailey after the game.  I framed a picture of he and Cody and will give it to him.  I see him wearing Cody's bracelet and it warms my heart.
Casey extended his trip to stay this week.  It is so nice to have him here.  He is seeing a new girl, one that I connected him to.  (I think that is why he is staying longer although I can think it is for me!)
Thank you all again, and always, for your continued love and support.  I am lucky to have all of you in my life.  

December 18, 2015

Not sure how a year goes by so quickly.  I re-live each second from the last year.  I know exactly where I was and what was happening.  Yesterday was a difficult and sad day but also filled with love from being surrounded by such great friends and family.  The calls, the visits, the texts, the FaceTime chats, the hugs, the laughs, the tears…lots of tears…It is amazing to me that Cody touched so many.  I am really sincerely touched.  I see the posts of Facebook from his friends, from my friends and from my family and the tears just flow.  He must be smiling every time he sees a post on Facebook with a picture of himself.  I know we have all learned from him and he continues to watch us all.
I know Cody was watching over Casey and made sure he stayed safe.  Tomorrow he comes home! He will help dry up some of my tears this sad Christmas.  We just need to be together.
Thank you all for being a part of my family.  Love you all!

Dec. 14, 2015

Today marks 7 years since Cody's diagnosis of leukemia.  Our lives changed forever that day.  I miss my son every second of every day.  This is tough week all around.  I miss him.
I am waiting very patiently to hear from Casey too.  I need to know this part of his journey is finished.  Only 6 more days until he is here.
I continue to pray for everyone and those special kids I have met along the way.  They are fighting so hard too.  It is so unfair.  Thank you all for your continued love and support and for not forgetting my boy.  xoxoxox

NOVEMBER 26, 2015

It is my first Thanksgiving without my son.  They say the 'firsts' are the toughest.  Every day is tough.  I am home and I chose to be.  I got lots of invitations (Thank you, thank you and thank you!) but chose to be home.  I feel closer to Cody here and don't want to pretend to be ok today.  I need days for that too.  I FaceTime with Casey pretty much every day and that is the highlight of my day.  He is less than 3 weeks back to the states.  I know he has Cody watching over him.  I cannot wait for him to get here and we have some time together.  We need that more than anything.
I try not to read the blog from last year and it is so sad but I know what I was doing.  I miss my sons.
We had the Super Hero Day and it was sooooo amazing to see everyone supporting me, your foundation and keeping your memory close to heart.  The children in the schools may not have met you but they know all about you.
I visited a young girl last night (15) that has cancer.  I met her through CFK.  She is such a sweet girl.  I tried to tell her about Cody but did not want to scare her.  She is fighting again and is a breath of fresh air.  I took her some of Cody's Persevere shirts and I know he will now watch over her too.  Please add Farrah to your prayers.
I also met a family from HHH that has a little boy (3) fighting too.  It is so unfair.  I have not met their son yet but someday I will.  Please add Luke to your prayers too.
Enjoy your time with your family.  That is what it is all about.  Blessed to have all of you in my life…here's to a safe and rapid homecoming for Casey!!

Nov. 18, 2015

So it has been 11 long months without my son.  I am speechless.  There are no words.  I listened to my good friend Sue and she suggested to try to do something positive to happy on the 18th.  So we had the HHH First Annual Super Hero Day in honor of our hometown hero, Cody.  I was so touched and amazed at the district turnout.  I am so lucky to be a part of HHH.  I know Cody is proud too.
I miss him so very much and just cannot fathom how time just keeps going without him.  I get all the signs, but would give anything to have him back.  I am counting the days until Casey gets here.  I miss him too and pray for his safe return home.  I worry about his feelings and emotions too.  Cody is missed by so many.  Thank you, HHH for your support and compassion, thanks to my family for always being there and thanks to my dear friends that have  become my family here in NY.  I would not be able to get through this alone.  Love you all!!!

Nov. 5, 2015

This was the week from hell last year.  I think about it every second.  Time just keeps going and it is hard to wrap my head around all of this.  It does not go away and it does not get easier.  I guess you just learn to act better.  I am going to a CFK event tonight.  Another family will be welcomed but with the bad part being the cancer.  I can't.
Thinking about all the love and support we have had and continue to have…it is truly so touching and amazing.
I miss my son, with all that I have.

October 28, 2015

Life goes on.
I miss my Cody more and more.  Counting the days till Casey comes home.

October 13, 2015

Tonight I attended Dowling's alumni night with Corinne.  I got to chat with some of Cody's friends there.  Cody touched so many.  I was not aware I was supposed to speak and was not prepared so thankfully Corinne was with me and she stepped in.  We are trying to get the word out about the foundation.  Thanks so much, Corinne.  That meant a lot to me.  I cannot believe 10 months is this weekend.  So hard….Love and miss you, Cody.

September 18, 2015

9 months…I really don't have any words…Just can't understand how this happens.  I miss my son here with me.  No words.

September 8, 2015

Another school year begins…and you are not here.  I miss everything with you and everything about you.  My hearts hurts.  Yes, I get through each day but it is hard.  I FaceTime with Casey and I see him wearing your shirts or an Islanders shirt and I know that is his way of being close to you.  I sit in your room and I touch your urn, that is when I feel closest to you.
Missing you but I know you are there and you are watching over me.  This I know…..Love you, Cody.

August 30, 2015

I miss my son.  He always helped me with back to school stuff.  It is a new school year and he is not here.  My heart hurts.  I pray that Cody keeps a close watch over Casey through the upcoming months.
Thank you, Cody,  for bringing some light into this dark world…I know you had something to do with all this.

August 18/19, 2015

Dear Cody,
I look at pictures, I see all of your things here, your dogs, your clothes, your shoes, your room and I look for you…I know I see signs, I hear you and I feel you.  I know you are with me and I thank you for watching over me.  I know I have you to thank for the good thing that is happening.  I was at Corinne's yesterday with the kids and great friends and Corinne and I saw that huge butterfly…I know you were there.  My heart continues to hurt and I am sure it always will..the tears flow every day.
8 months is so long.  Other the other hand, I am so thankful no one forgets you.  I see your pictures at other's houses.  I see people wearing your shirts.  I see your bracelets everywhere.  Just on Monday, Coach Carcone called to tell me about the ribbon he is putting on the shirts in memory of you.  So touching.  I will be at the games to be there for you.
Please watch over your brother.  I know he misses you.
I love you, Cody….xoxoxoxox
Mom

July 18, 2015

Not sure how time just keeps going…missing my son.

July 2, 2015

I was cleaning out a drawer yesterday and found some old pictures.  My heart is so broken…miss you.

June 30, 2015

Missing you….

June 21, 2015

What an emotional week.  I cannot wrap my head around this.  You have been gone 6 months and 3 days.  Unreal.  I am numb.

I am doing everything I can to keep you close to my heart.  I miss you terribly.

Thank you for all the signs.  But then again, I know you are with me.  I love you, Cody.

June 7, 2015

So this past week would have been 6 years since you had your re-birthday, the stem cell transplant.  We always celebrated, you and me.  I miss you.
I am so touched by those that continue to keep you in their thoughts.  Your friend Jimmy is making shirts for the soccer team they are calling COLOU.  It is for the Scarpati tournament that you always volunteered for.  They are doing a page in the journal for you.  I wrote it up and they attached a picture.  So sweet.
The hospice nurse that you never got to talk to invited me to dinner this week.  She is so sweet.  She is reaching out and always kept in touch.  You brought us together.
I miss you more than words can ever say.  I love you.

May 25, 2015

Casey was here this weekend along with my brother.  It was great to have them here.  It is also very sad.  We talked a lot about Cody.  He would have had a good time with us.  I miss him terribly.  I also have Casey's dog so that makes 3 for me.  Hoping they all will eventually get along.  Keeps me busy and helping my son while he is away.
We went to Buffalo Wild Wings last night.  That was my first time back there.  Cody loved it there.  It was sad without him.
Thanks to all those that served and continue to support us here.  I was glad my soldier was home.  Miss him already.

May 18, 2015

I cannot believe it has been 5 months since my son was here with me.  Unreal.

May 10, 2015

Mother's Day…I have one son that lives in Georgia and one son that is in heaven.  My heart hurts each time I think I might have to say this.
I miss them both.  Casey called this morning and then wrote something beautiful on Facebook.  We are all hurting for sure.  I am hoping he can get a weekend to come up.
My brother is coming in 2 weeks for his birthday.  I am looking forward to that.  I need to see him too.
I hope everyone enjoyed their day.  I chose to stay alone today.  Thank you for all the invites.  That truly means a lot to me.  Thank you for the flowers, cards, visits, phone calls, texts and fb shout outs.  I am so lucky to have all of you.
This past week my dryer caught on fire.  I was home and smelled the smoke.  I called 911 and got out safely.  I knew it had smoldered but was not sure it actually caught fire until it was moved out.My friend helped and got it out for me.  We found a burned $20 and a burned $1.  There's my 21 from my son and he loved playing 21.  He was definitely making sure I was safe.  The signs from Cody help but makes me miss him more, if that is possible.
Love you, Casey and Cody.  Thanks for allowing me to be your mom.  XOXOX

May 1, 2105

It was a tough week but Monday was beautiful.  We had a nice showing at Cody's birthday balloon launch.  I am happy about that and loved seeing everyone and their families.  Each and every child there are beauties.  So thankful to have all of you.  Thanks for your help and for remembering my son.  I miss him so much and cannot wait until we are reunited again.  Love you, Cody.
Tomorrow marks one year since my mom passed.  It is crazy how fast time goes by.  I know she went first so she could be there for Cody and to show him around.  I am glad they are together.  I miss you, mom but I know in my heart, you would not have been able to handle this so you went first.  Thanks for taking care of Cody. Love you, Mom.

April 27, 2015

Not sure how this all happens…no more birthdays here on earth.  We will send messages on balloons to my son today.  Happy Birthday in heaven, Cody..forever 21 here but today you would be 22.
Miss you and love you always.

April 26, 2015

Missing my son.  Tomorrow is Cody's birthday.  He would be 22.  We are a week apart and celebrated all week, just another part to us being so connected.
I miss my son.

April 20th, 2015

Tough week for sure…4 months feels like forever.  Guess this is normal.

April 8, 2015

The few days with Casey was good but we missed your presence.  He chose a picture of you to have and it is the same one I got made for a new necklace that I have not seen yet.  Our hearts are broken, crushed and full of pain.  I see it in Casey.  It is not right.  But…life goes on, somehow, some way.

April 2, 2015

Guess April is making me sad.  Understood.
Today I am going to see Casey for the weekend for Easter.  Cody should be with me.  I cannot wrap my head around the big picture.  Probably  never will.
Enjoy the time with your family.  It is all that matters.  XOXOXO

March 23, 2015

Missing you..spoke to a psychic yesterday, by chance but we were meant to connect..long story..I was glad you came through.  I am happy you are with those that you found.  I know you are in my heart, always.  
Casey was here for a short weekend.  I miss him too.  He seems happy and I will be visiting him for Easter.  It is all so hard without you here.

March 18, 2015

Three months and life goes on…without my son.  So heartbreaking...

March 14, 2015

Cody, we missed your physical presence at the CFK event last night.  I was so happy to be surrounded by my friends and our CFK family.  All are simply amazing.
Funny thing was that Brittany won a HUGE dream catcher.  I remember when you had nightmares and we made one together.  I think that was our sign last night.  You don't pick what you want there, you just win a number and go pick up the basket.  And that was when we saw Brittany's was a dream catcher.  A HUGE one.  LOL
I miss you more and more and not sure how we do this, but we do.  Casey comes Friday and I am anxious to see him.  I know it will be hard for him to be here but we will have each other.
Love and miss you….Mom

March 7, 2015

Thank goodness we have seen the good in so many people..there are so, so many of you out there.  For that, I am thankful..
I miss my son.  Not even 3 months…somehow we get through this.
Casey will be here on the 20th.  I am looking forward to seeing him and just having him here.  I know it will be hard for him to come home and not have Cody here.  I need strength to help him.
Looking forward to spending next Friday with CFK and my friends at their dinner dance.  Great people all around.  And I hope someone we know wins that cruise.
XOXOXOX

Feb. 27, 2015

Some days are harder than others..they are all hard but some are harder.
Cody was in my dream last night.  Love when that happens.  The message that came through was that he was hugging me, tightly and around my neck.  Big hugs..he was also a younger boy.  Love it anyway it comes through.  Miss you, my boy.

February 21, 2015

Home for a visit to FL.  I was so anxious about the trip and now it is over and so glad I am home.  I hated leaving the beautiful weather but wanted to get back here.  Got to spend some much needed time with my dad and stepmom and my brother and nephews.  Hung out with my amazing friends, Gregg and Tracy last night. Had a quick dinner with one of my aunts and uncle with my cousin and her family.  I stopped in really quick to see my friend, Donatella.  She lost her sweet boy two and a half years ago.  It all hurts. I spent a lot of time alone, just relaxing and I needed that. I know Cody was with me and I felt his presence and spirit several times.
It has been 2 months.  I cannot wrap my head around it when I think of Cody being gone and that he is not coming home.  Thank you to my amazing family and compassionate friends that offer love and support always.  Glad the doggies were with you, Moira.  That helped for sure.  Thank you.
Looking forward to seeing Casey in a few weeks.  He is coming here for a wedding.  I miss him.

February 14, 2015

Just read the post from last year…
I was very worried about my mom and about Cody.
KFC for Valentine's seemed so meaningless…what I wouldn't give to be doing that tonight…with Cody.
Glad Casey is here and spending time with his girlfriend.
Life changes in an instant…love on those that you have.  You never know when it is the last time…don't like saying that but it is life, unfortunately.  Crazy world and just doesn't seem like a good one these days.  I am thankful for those around me and for my family and friends.  That's what keeps me going.
One day closer, Cody…one day closer.
Enjoy the rest of the day…xoxoxo

February 8, 2014

Sunday-7 weeks and 3 days…I cannot believe it has  been this long and yet time just creeps along.
I do not know how life goes on, but it does.  I am getting cards and notes and letters from friends telling me great stories about Cody and how he touched their lives.  I love reading those.  Friends are still donating to foundations.  The Make a Wish lady that was here with Cody checked in and I had to tell her.  She is the sweetest lady. At 88, I was nervous to tell her.  A few days later, I get a card and she donated to Make a Wish in Cody's name.  So touched.  Every day.
I am seeing signs and symbols.  I know you are watching over me, Cody.  I hope you are there for your brother too.  I miss him too.
My heart continues to ache every single minute.  One day closer…..

Jan. 25, 2015

I know how much Cody would love knowing that this snow is coming...

Jan. 18, 2015

I miss my son.

Jan. 15, 2015

It's 4 weeks since I felt the warmth and heart of my son. Feels like forever. I miss you, Cody and I love you.

January 8, 2015

Three weeks without Cody and it feels like so long.  Time…..

Jan. 1, 2015

It's been 2 weeks and it feels like forever….miss you, my boy.