June 24, 2013

Malignant.  The biopsy on Cody's groin is cancer.  We were at Sloan most of the day.  We saw our BMT (bone marrow team) and then he got cleared for the procedure.  He went to talk to his psychiatrist.  She said he is avoiding it.  He is twitching like crazy.  He went into the procedure room and I actually heard him talking.  Dr. Laqualgia came out and I saw the containers of the fluid.  It was a clear but kinda bloody liquid.  He told me to stay put and that he would be back.  The do something called a frozen section.  This is used in the operating room when a dr has a patient open and is checking for other cancer.  It takes about 20 minutes and the cells are frozen and then split rather quickly to see if say, the patient's organs are cancerous.  That the dr can remove what he needs to right away while the patient is still on the operating table.  I go into the little recovery room to see Cody.  He is awake and being his usual funny and charming self.  He gets up and we walk to sit back out and wait.  There is a door on the other side of the procedure room where the drs go in.  I can hear several footsteps and one if Julie, our np who we adore.  They open the door and usher us into the room.  Dr. Laqualgia says those words.."it's a tumor and it is malignant." I am blank for a minute.  I turn to cry.  I am ushered to a chair.  Cody is just standing with that look on his face that I have unfortunately seen before.  We calm down and begin asking questions that surface right away.  Cody looks like he just needs to get out of there.  I then ask if it is coming out?  Will Dr. Laquaglia be doing it? Cody chimes in with his humor, his coping mechanism and asks Julie to do it.  I made a not so nice comment about his 'junk' and then we end the meeting.  I was worried I had offended someone but later apologized.  Not the case at all.  We were told to go to FL.  We had canceled the trip on Saturday due to this biopsy.
I cannot begin to tell you how much my heart is hurting.  I am angry, upset, and scared. I do not wish this on anyone but why do we have to do this again??  I do not get it.  It is not fair.  I am so hurt.  I am so worried about my son.
The next step is to identify it.  That will come after more pathology reports on Friday.  Then we will meet next week to begin the discussion of treatment.  Mediport, chemo, vomit, sick, fever, .........All over again. I will do my best to keep everyone posted.
We are leaving for Florida at noon.
xoxoxox