June 19, 2016

It is just one day past 18 months that Cody has been gone.  It is unbelievable.  My heart hurts more and more.
Three years ago we went to get that first X-ray because his chest was hurting. Too many memories.
Casey got back from his cruise yesterday.  To say he had a great time appears to be an understatement.  He called me while waiting to get off the ship and told me about the signs he let in from Cody.  He sounded good and seemed ok with getting them.  Cody loved when the three of us went on a cruise.  I know he was with Casey.  Last night I felt some kind of presence and there was a light in the hallway like 3 different times.  It was as if someone was fooling around with a flashlight.  When I went to sit on the stairs to see if I could figure it out, I got nothing.  Typical Cody playing tricks when he can.  I miss him every second.
Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there.  Takes someone very special to be a dad and to fulfill those duties each day.  I know because I have done both, mom and dad.  I had a perfect role model in my dad.  He taught me well!

June 5, 2016

Seven years ago yesterday, Cody got his first chance at a cure of this awful disease.  He received a double stem cell transplant.  These past 7 years have been the toughest, painful, saddest and challenging years of my life.  I did not think that it would end in losing my son.  I knew he was sick but I thought we could do this and with this stem cell transplant being a 'cure' for his leukemia. And it was.  As we all know, Cody was hit again with this disease, a rare form of cancer that eventually relapsed and he did not get a second chance for a cure.
I think of each and every moment with him and just cannot wrap my arms around the fact that he is not here.  I did lose my best friend.  I miss him each second of my life.  One day closer……one day closer. Please continue to watch over Casey, Cody.  He needs your guidance more than anyone.  Love you both so very much.

June 2, 2016

Time just keeps going.
I have awarded one scholarship in memory of Cody and the 2nd one will be tonight.  Cody's friends have done an amazing job presenting them.  I am touched beyond words.  Such a bittersweet feeling.
Yes, I am proud but would give anything, anything at all to have my Cody back.
Went to see Casey this weekend.  We had a great time, the best we good.  We could feel Cody missing every second.  Just not right, not fair and unreal.  Seven years ago we were preparing for Cody's transplant.  We were together 24/7.  That is how much I miss him, 24/7.  Doesn't stop.  Love and miss my boy, more than ever.

April 27, 2016

Happy 23rd Birthday to my son…love and miss you lots!

April 25, 2016

So close to Cody's birthday.  Not sure how all this happens.  I know Cody is watching with a front row seat.  The Islanders made it to round 2.  So many things happening to show me that he is with me.  I know he is.  It doesn't make anything easier, it is actually harder.  I have been invited to go to Foxwoods on Wednesday.  I think it might be a good way to share Cody's birthday.  He loved it there and he did well.  I will still release his birthday balloons Wednesday morning.  Anyone can do this.  I miss my son…more than words, more than life.

March 27, 2016

Only thing missing is you….

March 24, 2016

So excited and proud that we made the first batch of the Cody's Care Packages.  They looked amazing. Thank you to Greg Schwartz for the cool bags and the entire Schwartz family for starting the donation drive.  Thanks for the company today, Kara.  I def needed someone there with me for the delivery.  I think the packages will go over well.  I am so happy they looked so good.  Thanks to SH for all the donations and to Mary Picarello and Kara for helping assemble them.
Being back on M9 at MSKCC was so touching.  I am beyond words.  It was so good to see all those there that loved and cared so deeply and compassionately for my Cody.  Lots of hugs and tears and stories about Cody.  I miss him.  MSKCC was his home for 1/3 of his life.  I wish I lived closer to see everyone more often but it definitely won't be my last visit.  I miss my friends there, doctors, nurses, nurse practitioners, receptionists, social workers, and a special girl that works in the IV room.  We have such a history there and I was overwhelmed with emotions.  Such amazing people that work there.  Can't say it enough.
I am so proud of Casey.  He was in a sniper competition all week.  I wish I could have been there.  I know he did well.  I miss him.
Thanks for always reading and staying in touch to all of you….xoxoxoxo