August 23,2017

hello. I felt like writing a bit tonight. I went to Sloan with a friend to deliver the care packages for the families. I saw so many of those special, compassionate people that work there.  It is really hard to describe but so touching. They did become my family for so many years. So very supportive. I missed seeing many but will return.
Life has changed me for sure. I am somehow getting through. Please say special prayers for Meghan tonight. I saw her and it's just so unfair.  These kids are so strong. They can't get a break. Heartbreaking.
Doing things as simple as these care packages makes me feel good. I hate the disease but I feel I can help somehow.
I keep a journal for my deeper thoughts. But just wanted to reach out here.
I miss my son every second.

June 18, 2017

Unreal.  30 months, 2 and a half years.  I do not know how this happens.  I miss my son.  I will never be able to wrap my head around this.

April 27, 2017

My son, happy 24th birthday in heaven.  Casey is here and we will be together celebrating you.  We miss you more than ever.  Love you, Cody.

February 27, 2017

I do not know how life goes on with a piece of it missing.  Losing a child is the worst thing like has. I think of my son every minute.  I just shake my head.  I cannot wrap my head around all of it.  It is all so unreal.  I expect him to be home when I get home.  I feel like I need to go in his room to see him sleeping.  I feel him all around.  It is all I have.  He is my angel.  I just wish he was here.  Childhood cancer is a beast.  Cody fought for so long and I feel like it was all a waste.  He usually felt something from the cancer and never had a normal life once he was diagnosed.  I wish I could see him.  I miss my son.

Dec. 25, 2016

Merry Christmas in heaven my sweet angel.  I miss you more than words could ever say.  One day closer...

December 18, 2016

2 years...how does this happen?  I miss my son.  Every single minute.  Words cannot describe.  Thank you to all those that remember my son is so many ways.  I just wish he were here.

November 26, 2016

Thanksgiving weekend.
I am blessed that I had Casey here for a nice long span.  He was just back from a pretty tough deployment.  He made some new decisions and it will keep him here in the states.  For this, I am thankful.  We had a great visit.
I cannot explain what I feel.  The pain is all there and so close.  Losing a child has to be the worst thing on earth.  My heart feels so broken.  I just shake my head  and cry when I try to convey my feelings to someone. I know this pain will always be there.  I do not see how it ever can go away.
Just today, I got an email from someone Cody contacted about a cancer song this man wrote and recorded.  They said they used to follow Cody and wondered what had happened.  They have a handwritten thank you note from him.  That is how Cody was.  He appreciated the littlest things.  I always say that something comes over these kids when they get cancer.  They notice things.  They learn the value of a card or a note.  They notice something about everyone to say to make them feel better.  They appreciate life in a way like no other.  I see it in everyone I meet that is affected by cancer.
I am putting together the 2nd fundraiser. It looks to be better than last year!  I already have some great things donated and will have more.  I was kinda in a low place and was not thinking much about it but when friends starting asking...I jumped to it.  (Diane, I know you are reading this and will most likely respond.  Please come.  It will be Jan. 6.  We have a cool band!  Gary would love them. )
Thank you all for your continued support.  xoxoxo