Sunday, August 28, 2016
August 28, 2016
Lazy Sunday here. I miss my son more and more. Just now "Stepbrothers" is on and I cannot remember how many times I saw this with Cody. He loved this movie. It is so funny no matter how many times you see it. This was the movie he watched over and over when his brain was not functioning right from that virus during his transplant. I can just hear both he and Casey laughing. I miss my boys. XOXOX
Monday, July 18, 2016
July 18, 2016
19 months ago....it was about this time that I saw my son take his last breath. I came home to our house without him. The big picture of all this is so unreal, so sad, so difficult. I am so worried about Casey. I hope he will one day, open up and talk about his feelings. I know how he feels but he is living a different loss than I am. I will continue to ask for our guardian angel, Cody to watch and protect both of us...love you both so much!
Friday, July 8, 2016
July 8, 2016
I miss my son. It is so hard to think that I will not see him again in this world. I will not hear him calling for me. I will not hear his laugh and see his goofy smile.
I had my knee replacement and I know Cody was by my side. I now know how difficult it was for him to be stuck in bed and I was only there for 4 days. It is scary to think we could all be sick sometime and have to endure being stuck in a hospital.
Cody loved this time of year. He loved coming to my school at the end of the year for the big send off. He would meet me for lunch. During the days off, he and I would both sleep but he would always sleep much later. I would wait for him to wake up to decide what we were going to do for that day. It did not matter what we did, just that we did something other than the medical part. Even if it was a hospital day and Cody felt good, we would find something to do, walk around Chinatown which he loved to do, get a great lunch somewhere, go to a movie or just chill and watch something at home. We were inseparable.
I do find that I crave my time alone and at home. It is my safe haven. I am closest to Cody here. I do get out but prefer to be here.
My friends have, once again, been such a HUGE support for me. I have had tons of help here at home. I am so blessed that way. Thank you.
Enjoy the sun...I will try to also.
I had my knee replacement and I know Cody was by my side. I now know how difficult it was for him to be stuck in bed and I was only there for 4 days. It is scary to think we could all be sick sometime and have to endure being stuck in a hospital.
Cody loved this time of year. He loved coming to my school at the end of the year for the big send off. He would meet me for lunch. During the days off, he and I would both sleep but he would always sleep much later. I would wait for him to wake up to decide what we were going to do for that day. It did not matter what we did, just that we did something other than the medical part. Even if it was a hospital day and Cody felt good, we would find something to do, walk around Chinatown which he loved to do, get a great lunch somewhere, go to a movie or just chill and watch something at home. We were inseparable.
I do find that I crave my time alone and at home. It is my safe haven. I am closest to Cody here. I do get out but prefer to be here.
My friends have, once again, been such a HUGE support for me. I have had tons of help here at home. I am so blessed that way. Thank you.
Enjoy the sun...I will try to also.
Sunday, June 19, 2016
June 19, 2016
It is just one day past 18 months that Cody has been gone. It is unbelievable. My heart hurts more and more.
Three years ago we went to get that first X-ray because his chest was hurting. Too many memories.
Casey got back from his cruise yesterday. To say he had a great time appears to be an understatement. He called me while waiting to get off the ship and told me about the signs he let in from Cody. He sounded good and seemed ok with getting them. Cody loved when the three of us went on a cruise. I know he was with Casey. Last night I felt some kind of presence and there was a light in the hallway like 3 different times. It was as if someone was fooling around with a flashlight. When I went to sit on the stairs to see if I could figure it out, I got nothing. Typical Cody playing tricks when he can. I miss him every second.
Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Takes someone very special to be a dad and to fulfill those duties each day. I know because I have done both, mom and dad. I had a perfect role model in my dad. He taught me well!
Three years ago we went to get that first X-ray because his chest was hurting. Too many memories.
Casey got back from his cruise yesterday. To say he had a great time appears to be an understatement. He called me while waiting to get off the ship and told me about the signs he let in from Cody. He sounded good and seemed ok with getting them. Cody loved when the three of us went on a cruise. I know he was with Casey. Last night I felt some kind of presence and there was a light in the hallway like 3 different times. It was as if someone was fooling around with a flashlight. When I went to sit on the stairs to see if I could figure it out, I got nothing. Typical Cody playing tricks when he can. I miss him every second.
Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Takes someone very special to be a dad and to fulfill those duties each day. I know because I have done both, mom and dad. I had a perfect role model in my dad. He taught me well!
Sunday, June 5, 2016
June 5, 2016
Seven years ago yesterday, Cody got his first chance at a cure of this awful disease. He received a double stem cell transplant. These past 7 years have been the toughest, painful, saddest and challenging years of my life. I did not think that it would end in losing my son. I knew he was sick but I thought we could do this and with this stem cell transplant being a 'cure' for his leukemia. And it was. As we all know, Cody was hit again with this disease, a rare form of cancer that eventually relapsed and he did not get a second chance for a cure.
I think of each and every moment with him and just cannot wrap my arms around the fact that he is not here. I did lose my best friend. I miss him each second of my life. One day closer……one day closer. Please continue to watch over Casey, Cody. He needs your guidance more than anyone. Love you both so very much.
I think of each and every moment with him and just cannot wrap my arms around the fact that he is not here. I did lose my best friend. I miss him each second of my life. One day closer……one day closer. Please continue to watch over Casey, Cody. He needs your guidance more than anyone. Love you both so very much.
Thursday, June 2, 2016
June 2, 2016
Time just keeps going.
I have awarded one scholarship in memory of Cody and the 2nd one will be tonight. Cody's friends have done an amazing job presenting them. I am touched beyond words. Such a bittersweet feeling.
Yes, I am proud but would give anything, anything at all to have my Cody back.
Went to see Casey this weekend. We had a great time, the best we good. We could feel Cody missing every second. Just not right, not fair and unreal. Seven years ago we were preparing for Cody's transplant. We were together 24/7. That is how much I miss him, 24/7. Doesn't stop. Love and miss my boy, more than ever.
I have awarded one scholarship in memory of Cody and the 2nd one will be tonight. Cody's friends have done an amazing job presenting them. I am touched beyond words. Such a bittersweet feeling.
Yes, I am proud but would give anything, anything at all to have my Cody back.
Went to see Casey this weekend. We had a great time, the best we good. We could feel Cody missing every second. Just not right, not fair and unreal. Seven years ago we were preparing for Cody's transplant. We were together 24/7. That is how much I miss him, 24/7. Doesn't stop. Love and miss my boy, more than ever.
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
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