April 25, 2016

So close to Cody's birthday.  Not sure how all this happens.  I know Cody is watching with a front row seat.  The Islanders made it to round 2.  So many things happening to show me that he is with me.  I know he is.  It doesn't make anything easier, it is actually harder.  I have been invited to go to Foxwoods on Wednesday.  I think it might be a good way to share Cody's birthday.  He loved it there and he did well.  I will still release his birthday balloons Wednesday morning.  Anyone can do this.  I miss my son…more than words, more than life.

March 27, 2016

Only thing missing is you….

March 24, 2016

So excited and proud that we made the first batch of the Cody's Care Packages.  They looked amazing. Thank you to Greg Schwartz for the cool bags and the entire Schwartz family for starting the donation drive.  Thanks for the company today, Kara.  I def needed someone there with me for the delivery.  I think the packages will go over well.  I am so happy they looked so good.  Thanks to SH for all the donations and to Mary Picarello and Kara for helping assemble them.
Being back on M9 at MSKCC was so touching.  I am beyond words.  It was so good to see all those there that loved and cared so deeply and compassionately for my Cody.  Lots of hugs and tears and stories about Cody.  I miss him.  MSKCC was his home for 1/3 of his life.  I wish I lived closer to see everyone more often but it definitely won't be my last visit.  I miss my friends there, doctors, nurses, nurse practitioners, receptionists, social workers, and a special girl that works in the IV room.  We have such a history there and I was overwhelmed with emotions.  Such amazing people that work there.  Can't say it enough.
I am so proud of Casey.  He was in a sniper competition all week.  I wish I could have been there.  I know he did well.  I miss him.
Thanks for always reading and staying in touch to all of you….xoxoxoxo

March 16, 2016

I remember when Casey and Cody were little and how excited they were for Lucky the Leprechaun.  Things were happening at school and mischief was going on at home. They would wake up to a card (with cash if they were lucky) and sometimes a book or something related to St. Patrick's Day.  Now days just keep going by.  I will wear my green today for the little bit of Irish I have in me.  The only good thing about today is Casey is coming in tonight.  He will be here for the BIG CFK event tomorrow!  This I am happy about and I feel lucky that he is coming.  Cody would have loved this event.  He would be rocking his cowboy hat which I will bring, of course. He would be excited to ride the bull and see our CFK family.  I am glad Casey will get a chance to meet everyone and just hang with these wonderful people with hearts of gold.  I am so happy to be a part of the giving back part and I do when I can.  It is never enough but I will continue.
Think of the little things today.  Think of what you feel lucky about.  For me, I have two amazing, strong and handsome sons.  One is here and one I will see again in heaven.  He is cancer free and this I have to be grateful for.  I keep telling myself this.
Tomorrow marks 15 months with Cody.  Not sure how the days just keep going by without him….miss him so much…one day closer.  XOXOXO

February 21, 2016

Unreal how this thing called 'life' just keeps going without Cody.  It feels so different and so sad.  I was in Florida on Thursday.  14 months since Cody left.  I went to dinner with Roy and Christian and Alex.  I noticed a table next to me.  Little did I know, that when I looked more closely, it was a nurse practitioner from Sloan.  I reached my hand out and touched her.  Roy was in the bathroom and I was just sitting there with my nephews.  She looked at me and then we both hugged.  She was the first familiar face I saw after he had the seizure.  (We were down in radiology getting an xray when it happened.)  She and the team got down there as fast as they could.  It was so weird to see her in Florida.  She has a beautiful little boy and her husband was charming.  We took a picture together and she sent it to some of the other NP's I know.  They are such amazing people.  She then texted me and said "Cody wanted to be remembered today".  Of course, I think about him constantly but that was clearing a sign that he wanted me to know he was with me, as I know he always seems to be.

February 8, 2016

Missing my son..more and more.  It is not fair.
I had a dream last night and all I remember was that Cody was laughing and his coaches, Carone, Mayo and Don Herr, the trainer, were with him.  I texted the three of these amazing men to tell them and Carcone told me he is wearing the black CLB shirt and Don tells me he was just talking to his daughter today about the bracelet he wears for Cody, the persevere one.  (I did not hear back from Mayo yet but he came to Cody's fundraiser with the gold whistle Cody gave him in his pocket!)
I know these are true signs…we all have such a special angel.  Miss you and love you lots, Cody.

February 5, 2015

Today was a snow day.  I used to look forward to them so I could be home with Cody.  I am home but will never be the same.  The house is my sanctuary and I feel safest here.  I know I should do more and I will.  One day at a time.  Casey will be here in March so that will make me smile.  I am lucky to have such amazing friends here when I need them.
The foundation is doing so well.  So many people contribute and help out.  I do not want Cody to ever be forgotten.  This is definitely making that happen.  I know Cody is proud.
Thank you…and be safe out there NY!