11 years

 We say this every year, but I’m not sure how it can be 11 years without you here. It just doesn’t make sense to me why this happens. You are missed more than words could ever say. Your nieces would adore you. Thanks for keeping a watch over all of us and we are one day closer to seeing you again. I love you. 

Birthday

 Today is Cody’s 32nd birthday. It is just such a weird feeling when you have a birthday for a child that you gave birth to and they are not here anymore. I can’t wrap my head around this.

I went to animal adventure park and got to hang around some exotic animals. I try to do things that I know Cody would love to do and that for sure I was one of the things we would’ve been doing.

I got the sweetest message tonight from my daughter-in-law. She is a blessing in so many ways. I’m also very thankful for all the messages, phone calls, and friends That reached out to me today. I am so glad that my son will always be remembered.

I miss him more than words could ever say. Happy birthday in heaven to my son Cody.

10 years

 As I sit here tonight, I am thinking about Cody‘s last night here on earth 10 years ago. My dad and I stayed with him at hospice and had a rough night. At this point, Cody was sleeping and slipping away. A lot of friends came to see him This day and then again the next day before he passed on the 18th. 

I honestly cannot believe it has been in 10 years. My heart is forever broken. 

Mother’s day

 Mother’s Day was Sunday. It’s tough. Everyone asks what did you do to celebrate. Casey is in GA and working on Sunday. And  Well, with one of your children in heaven, it hits differently. It’s hard to put into words. It’s definitely a void and sad. I have gained a daughter in law and grandchild with another on the way. For this, I am grateful. That constant emptiness is always there when you lose a child. It’s always with you. It should be. My son will never be forgotten and he is always with me. I miss you , Cody. 

31st birthday

 This year I’m in GA with Casey, Lisa and Mia. We talked about Cody  and had wings, his favorite, for dinner. I miss him beyond words. It’s just so unreal. 10 birthdays in heaven. I can only imagine what he would be like now, married, kids? It’s all so very heartbreaking. Glad to get a hug tonight from Casey. I will push on. 

Dec. 18, 2023

 On this day, at 9:30 pm, we sweet angel took his last breath in my arms. This is the worst pain in the world. No one should lose a child. Cancer took him from me. So very awful and unfair. 

I know this pain. Things like Cody never getting to be an uncle. He would be perfect at it. He will never get married and have children of his own. That is where we are in life and it hurts! He will never get to be a brother in law to Lisa. She would adore him too. This second chapter of life is beautiful except that he’s missing. 

I will continue to keep him alive. His foundation shows his impact to others. His name is heard. My friends and family all do such a great job in celebrating him. This I am so blessed for. 

I miss my son. 

Diagnosis

 Today marks 15 years since Cody was first diagnosed with ALL.  That’s all.